Olympic Opening Ceremony Eyeball Remove Head Shake Proxy Hack

My partner came home Friday with a mission. Figure out how to stream the opening ceremony. NBC FAILED as most of us are well aware, not only in their coverage but also in maybe canceling Community and maybe canceling 30 Rock and they fucked the world when they cancelled Freaks and Geeks. Lo, in less than a decade (or quite possibly next month) we’ll all look back and laugh at their foolishness while watching the cable providers and major networks scramble to hold onto their empty screens.

How do I stream the Olympics? Or at the least the opening ceremony? Googled “stream olympic opening ceremony,” and the first page came back with NBC at the top. Fuckers. At least their SEO teams were earning their salaries.

Hmm. Youtube? Livestream?

No and nope.

NBC were showing the ceremony but on a 3 hour time delay. Control the ads. Control the viewer. Control the space. We’d have to wait to check it out at 7:30 pm. Damnit! Why do I suddenly give a fuck about the opening ceremony of the Olympics? Last time I paid attention to the Olympics was in 1984 and subsequently spent the following weeks recovering from Mary Lou Retton fever.

I don’t. Care.

It’s not just the Olympics either. Basketball. Tennis. Swimming. Soccer. Just not into it. Televised baseball viewing to me is like watching paint dry. With the exception of a passing interest in the NFL (go Broncos!) and a love for the 1996-98 Colorado Avalanche hockey team, generally sports don’t register. Though, in contradistinction, I do enjoy the Tour de France and absolutely love the X Games.

How do I find a plausible workaround to NBC’s blackout? BBC is streaming on youtube but it is blocked in our “region” according to the “oops” message on the page. That annoying little thing called an IP is getting in the way of my freedom. Google “setting up anonymous proxy browser” and “hide my IP”. Seems pretty easy. Wired had a thorough wiki on it and I thought, yes, finally I’ll be able to prove that with a little patience and tenacity I can stick it to the fat cats at NBC…

Alas, my plan failed. Or I lost interest. Partly both. I need to ask a hacker. Maybe I can find one on Reddit doing an AMA. We managed to get snippets on youtube and I’m not sure, no, I’m convinced that viewing the ceremony in ‘real’ time wouldn’t have made it any less confusing.

An estimated $14 billion and some change for the games (according to a not very specific wiki on the 2012 games) so we could see our countrymen and women compete in feats of physical awesomeness and to endure Danny Boyle’s “Hey, I know this sounds crazy, but someone just offered me more money than the combined budgets for the last 4 films I made to put on this show for the olympics. So I plugged ‘Great Britain’ into ye ole search engine along with the query, ‘poopy shits’ into youtube after snorting four packages of NoDoze and, I have to say, sometimes orchestrating genius at this level takes a lot of energy but I believe I’ve captured the essence of the Empire with the attention to useless detail only seen in the ballpoint pen doodles of crystal meth users and Art Brut.”

This anime sums it up.

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