Sir, we have the capabilities to launch the Gay Bomb…

So said one imaginary 3 star general to one imaginary SecDef in regards to thwarting the continued sectarian violence plaguing the hot spots in Iraq. The impetus for this post came hearing a Down By Law song on a streaming ‘punk’ radio show. I had remembered hearing something about Dave Smalley (Dag Nasty, Down By Law) being a conservative punk and wanted to find out what his whole deal was. I found a post he did on conservativepunk.com about ‘gonzo conservatives’ and their role in the punk community. While Smalley makes some good points about tolerance for difference of views in the punk community as a whole, he also expounds ad nauseum like most conservatives, prosyletizing his views on education, affirmative action and keeping government small. After finishing his lengthy post on Punk Rock, Diversity and Gonzo Conservatism (btw – I hate that he used Gonzo in effort to coin some new movement, purely for the fact that its an HS Thompson handle) I came to the conclusion that Punk Rock, in all its small mindedness, its honey pot sensibilities and soap boxing it is basically just a sub-culture mimicking mainstream culture to the extent at whatever is convenient for the person discussing ‘it.’ Like ‘Punk’ ya know? Its some philosophy or religion. So to counter the propaganda on conservative punk I went to punkvoter.com so I could get some balance to my bullshit diet and found a hilarious post (course it was full of vitriol and ‘punk rock’ indignation) about a Gay Bomb the pentagon was building or talking about building or something like that. Part of their non-lethal weapons division.

“The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another,” Hammond said after reviewing the documents.

“The notion was that a chemical that would probably be pleasant in the human body in low quantities could be identified, and by virtue of either breathing or having their skin exposed to this chemical, the notion was that soliders would become gay,” explained Hammond.”

Um. Sensitive Gay brothers and sisters I can’t help but think this is the stuff of South Park plot fodder. It is absurd to think that not only was this a recent post on punkvoter.com but that they seemed so pissed about it and didn’t see the hilarity (and irony) of the concept itself but failed to even mention how completely awesome a bomb like that would be if used by GLAAD on the Christian Coalition or the promise keepers. So I suppose the point is, thanks to Dave Smalley, I found out about the gay bomb from Fat Mike and am becoming convinced that the government should spend more time on making weapons that make people horny than on trying to polarize our country by telling people where to stick their dicks or what they should stick in themselves.

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